Proclaimed Upon the Housetops

Or –

“A Rather Disturbing Tail”

KJV – Luke 12:3

“….and that which ye have spoken in the ear in closets shall be proclaimed upon the housetops…”

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted here. Nothing really inspiring happening and can’t seem to find my groove. But this………


This is a great story ……or one of great embarrassment, depending on which side of the tale you sit. Short, and not so sweet – but it’s all part of operating in this thing we call the Human Condition.

And it’s one you couldn’t just tell to ‘anyone’, but it still needs to be told. So here we go:

My bathroom is divided into two separate sections. The shower/watercloset …

(Folks in my hometown would say toilet, or “Toh-let”)

….is separated by a door from the sink and vanity.

Over this door, which is rarely closed (I live alone) hangs one of those really nice deluxe hooks for hangers/clothes, etc., (seven bucks at Bed Bath and Beyond - ; )

And over this hook hangs my long, flannel bathrobe, which proudly shows the red horse and rider over the left chest…. And hanging down from the belt loops on this bathrobe is my extra long flannel ‘tie’ for cinching the thing up when I have it on.

Not that ANYone in polite society should ever have to visualize what happens in that room …..as opposed to the much less graphic washing of face and hands in the Vanity room…..

This past weekend…..as I was cinching up my belt ,,, completely unaware that I had backed into the robe in the process, and thereby trapping the end of long flannel tie-cord IN my soon to be fastened shorts –

too light in weight …..to be felt…… as it pulled OUT …… of …… the robe……

Subsequently following me around my apartment, (and completely unbeknownst to me) giving me sort of a Cowardly Lion / Wizard of Oz look, for the better part of an hour.

SHIT!

First off… As if the mental picture weren’t bad enough. Like something you’d see in a really bad comedy thinking to yourself – “That’s so Fake!” “That would NEVER happen!”

I did NOT intend to get old this way…….this was NEVER my intent – people who meet me for the first time will declare in shock that they’d have NEVER guessed my age…..

Oh well…… as one friend told me a long time ago… “I can’t wait to see you when you’ve gone totally senile – something tells me it will be a very smooth transition…”

Secondly, the sadder part in all this is how I actually discovered the offending tail, as if the whole scene weren’t horrific enough anyway.

After about an hour of pacing back and forth in my house getting some odd organizing done, I realized I had no music playing, which is rare for me when putzing about the house. I cranked up a new Chet Atkins CD, and as I turned away from the player the back of the tail brushed my leg. …

Living in south Flori-duh… on an island…in the sub tropics…there are any number of opportunities for native wildlife to enter one's abode. And so this thought quickly flashed through my mind as I jumped out of the way of what I assumed to be some wild creature grazing the back of my leg. Only to have the thing whip around yet again to brush the back of my other leg, which REALLY sent me jumping … Now I'm thinking I'm under attack!!

I tried to make my life flash before my eyes, but it Wouldn't! So there I was, doing that mini 'dance of death' trying to escape...

…until I saw the (insert inappropriate expletive here) –ing thing for what it was, and breathing a sigh of relief.

You know, some days……it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps...