These words were supposed to have been spoken by Napoleon Bonaparte just before being exiled to the island of Elba, following his abdication at Fontainebleau.
However, it's probably more likely that some clever writer crafted this gem some years afterward to humorously honor the event - as strangely enough, it reads exactly the same either forward or in reverse.
*ring …..riiiing……ri…….*
“Hello….”
“Mr. M..., this is Elba….”
“Oh hi, Elba.. how are you ??”
“I’m doing good, Mr. M, How are you?”
“O.k., thanks… And your mom?”
“She’s fine.. I can leave her by herself finally, and she can dose her own medicine now, which is good…”
You see, Elba worked for me as head housekeeper for two years and left for a time (which I’m sure she thought was temporary) to tend to her ailing mother after a stroke.
“Wow… that’s great, Elba.” “I’m glad to hear that.”
There is an uncomfortable strain now in the conversation…. I know where this is leading, and although I don’t really have the time just now to do anything other than ‘nip this’ at the outset, I have this nearly congenital need to allow her to save face if I can.
On many levels Elba is an amazing woman. At age 57, she has not only grandchildren, but great grandchildren, all of whom adore her. As well, she’s also very proud of the fact that she’s one of the few adults in her extended family to own a house. Now, with that house comes the true pride of ownership, and even a bit of well-justified arrogance (and I honestly don’t mean that in a negative way). But with that house also comes monthly payments – and you can’t make those without a j-o-b.
“So, Mr. M, how’s things around the house?”
“Good, Elba… things are moving right along.” “Mr. and Mrs. Boss have purchased land on a lake way up north somewhere and are going to build a summer escape house on it.”
“Oh…that’s nice... yeah, you really don’t want to be around here in hurricane season if you can help it”, she offers, with a weak laugh.
(Now, if I may describe our work-place setting her for a moment: I am a certified butler and private chef, and I manage an estate on the island of Palm Beach in south Florida. I have been in private service most of my adult working career and, for three of those years I served as Dean/Director of Education and Headmaster of the somewhat world -famous Starkey International Institute for Household Management in Denver, Colorado. My educational staff, which included one of 64 master sommeliers in the world as well as our chef instructor, whom was named amongst Who’s Who in American culinarians in 1992, was considered at the top of their game for their skill in service education - for not only private homes, but for luxury market hotels and resorts worldwide, as well as the personal service staff at the White House, Camp David and the Vice President’s Residence.)
“How’s the new girl working out for you…?” She asked.
Ahhh… there it is…… the line has been tossed off the back of the boat now .. I see the shiny object on the end of it ….but I have been hooked before. And the difference between the poor sucker in the water who will chomp away toward his own self-inflicted doom is that I am able to learn from my mistakes. I have seen this lure before – and this time I will not - I cannot - bite.
Elba was sent to me by “The Agency” with the promise that “…. she’s kind of small, but….she does everything well and you almost have to hit her in the head with a hammer to make her stop.” Interesting choice of words, but effective nonetheless.
She was truly a godsend in the beginning. And at four foot and seven inches tall, there really wasn’t much she couldn’t do, nor wouldn’t do, for that matter. She kept all those promises and more, and did a great job for me over time.
She tackled not only the cleaning of sixteen thousand square feet, including the pool house and gym. As well, she kept the place in perfect order, managing laundry and fine clothing care – no small task I can assure you. And it was because of the alchemy of these particular and valuable skills, to some degree, that I was able to manage my own responsibilities with greater ease. Yes,,, with Elba on the job I had nothing to fear.
But toward the end of year two, in the last six months, I began to notice some chinks in the armor. Granted, everyone has their bad days, and not everyone can, nor wants, to be ‘ON’ all the time. But this was different. It became like something from a ‘B’ horror/dark comedy movie.
She knew that my scheduling needs at the residence were tight. She knew that my day to day plans were literally a house of cards and depended greatly on everyone doing their part. And while I can certainly make allowances for a sick day here and there – I’m just not staffed for the type of unusual occurrences that began to keep Elba from her duties.
It might have been a third cousin who’d had an auto accident…. Or a granddaughter who was having trouble with home work (in the middle of the school and work day!?) It might have been because the moon was blue or it might have just been because it was another day that ended in the letter “Y”, that kept her from coming in. It really might have been any number of truly and brilliantly worded excuses, but the bottom line was that I really needed to have someone in the shoes she filled, with very little room for variance, and the poor dear seemed to have just given up. And on top of everything else, was getting just a bit pissy, and moody to boot!
I began having to make one excuse after another for her to the employers: “Well, ma’am.. it’s probably just for today, she thinks, and then she’ll be back in tomorrow”. What had once been a beautiful relationship and a true symbiotic, work-related service team was now keeping me in the react mode most of the time. And in my profession I can only react to ONE party – and that is the Boss.
The last straw… (and believe me, I know what it’s like to feel so burdened down at, or by, your job, you just don’t care about doing the right thing any more. Sometimes it just gets so bad that the number one goal upon entering the work place is no longer about doing your job well but simply surviving just one more day!) …was my having to sacrifice vacation plans for this utter folly and nonsense.
Elba knew how important this trip was to me and just decided to pull a full-on power play and it caused me to have to sacrifice – in a major way. (to begin to tell you how difficult it is to schedule time away from my work is almost an impossibility, by the way. Suffice it to say that it’s tantamount to the Israelites packing and leaving Egypt, and that should give you just some idea)
But how did it come to this?? I began to wonder? How did I get from There ….to Here?? No matter,,, I knew what had to be done. But the planets and the universe must have mercifully aligned to spare me THE Talk: Her mother had become gravely ill and so Elba had to take some down time to help care for her.
The Agency sent a replacement, who has caught on brilliantly and is still doing a wonderful job, and that was that …. I really didn’t expect to hear her on the other end of the phone hinting about reclaiming the position she seemingly at one time couldn’t wait to vacate.
After having broken the ice, the two of us talked about job possibilities on the island and perhaps using the same agency that represented her to us. But she understood before the chat’s end that there just wasn’t a spot for her here and she’d resigned herself to that.
I was able to offer this solace however, that I would be happy to write a glowing letter of reference for her, which in this profession is ‘gold’. (since employers in our world typically do not have Human Resources offices in their own homes, and sometimes will move or pass away, making it impossible to retrieve a reference from them.)
I had wonderful ideas for a stellar work on letterhead, when a very dear friend of mine offered this perspective…:
“Knowing everything that you know about her work and attendance record overall, do you really want to represent her on paper – and over YOUR signature??” She wisely pointed out that because my name does carry some weight in my profession that it might not be worth the risk to align myself with that kind of endorsement. “I know what you’re trying to do”, she said, “and can certainly appreciate that, but there are some issues bigger than just being ‘nice’ here that you might want to consider.”
After thinking it over …and wondering … so… do I allow her to save face and go the whole nine yards – and just be nice?? ……Do I just tell ‘everything’? …. Do I warn all the others about what I know – all the lack of caring and conscientiousness on her part?? What to do, what to do??
In the end .. it doesn’t really matter what I might have to say since the new bosses are typically so desperate and eager to get a ‘New Elba’ in to take the place of the ‘Old Elba’, they’ll just hire away and hope for the best.
So did the only thing I could do and still live with myself. (My dear friend who knows me better than I know myself knew I would...) I made the letter short, sweet, professional and to the point without any embellishments. Sparing the potential new employers any of the details of my trip to the Island of Elba – (certainly don’t want to be branded as bitter or negative – ha!)
I’ll make nice… spare them all, the warnings,,,, the dark side,,, and just be pleasant…they’ll learn soon enough…
Labels: Career
